Disappearing

I feel my body getting smaller

inch by inch my stomach recedes

away from dining tables and dinner plates

away away away

from food and water and vitamins

and sustenance.

These tangible torturous things

disgust me

but keep me alive

& force me into

this life.

Starvation —

the sweetest relinquished relief

of life.

Courage

Courage is getting out of bed when the voices in my head scream louder than the sound of my beating heart.

Courage is stomaching two anxiety pills and one SSRI before getting out of bed even though my father thinks I’m a drug addict.

Courage is letting go of something comfortable in order to pursue something that sets my soul on fire.

Courage is the heart-wrenching strength to go on when it feels like everything is going wrong.