Morning Meditation.

Last week I started doing sun salutations again as an incentive to get out of bed once the alarm goes off in the morning without the added pressure to leave the threshold of my bedroom. Yoga helps ease the transition between my (usually) euphoric dream state, and the stressful environment of my reality. I revel in a moment of complete tranquility to set my intention for the day.

This morning I was considering the beliefs of two of my closest friends. One of them is an atheist & another, a pious Christian. Yet, they both receive the same level of comfort from their own knowledge of God. I listened to my friend cry their heart out, and then find solace in a biblical scripture the following morning. The physical remains of the night before lie strewn in the Kleenex across the bedroom floor, but all emotional turmoil had dissipated. Their identity and understanding of the universe are ground in that scripture.

I’ve listened to my other friend express their knowledge of the formation of Earth and how human life came to be. Their solace lies in knowing the true origins of life and being brash enough to accept it in the face of disbelief. Their worth wound around complex hypothesis. Perhaps, the universe expresses God as we wish to accept it to be used as a vessel for attaining peace.

Identity Fluidity

I saw myself getting married at 25, with my own home and kids at 27 just like my mother. Currently, 23-years-old, single and still not finished with my degree, I realize that’s not going to happen. At least, not the way I wanted it to.

Granted, I could get myself pregnant within the next two years, but still my goals would be unfulfilled. At this point in my life; I want to start my writing career, graduate from school on time, maybe go back to school for my Master’s degree and travel the world. Marriage isn’t even on my mind anymore.

I’ve learned not to define myself in terms of marital status or a relationship after my last attempt at a relationship went horribly wrong. I’m accepting that my goals can change, my identity can change. I do not need to be the traditional woman that my mother was, and I am not a failure for choosing not to be that. My identity and sense of self is fluid and may change with the seasons, and I’m okay with that. I’m constantly learning and growing; maturing spiritually and emotionally so I cannot expect to be who I thought I once was.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

– 1 Corinthians 13:11 KJV