The Heart Goes Last

My fingers yearn to touch another,
My lips long for foreign kisses
My skin trembles with the thought
But my heart remains in the past with the safety of you.
I know you’re not good for me,
I move on somewhat regretfully
Intentionally, forcing my mind to love another
Divulge stories of past hurt
Uplift a new man, imagine a new future with a new friend.
But a piece of my heart lies buried inside of a piece of you,
A piece of me I can never regain,
I await the day it rots in your abyss allowing me to continue amidst feelings of you.

“The past is so much safer, because whatever’s in it has already happened. It can’t be changed; so, in a way, there’s nothing to dread.”
― Margaret Atwood, The Heart Goes Last

Late Night Thoughts

My insecurity remains the root of my grief

Why didn’t he love me?

Why couldn’t I be what he needed?

Why wasn’t I – but it doesn’t matter

Because these worries run so deep, not even my shallow lust could drown these oceans

So I drown my pillow in tears, mourning the years I thought that we would be – eternally

and I reminisce on what I thought was mine, crying rivers of tears hoping the salt of my earth will run past the roots of your fears

I detest my weak mind for not being able to break this soul tie

I detest my weak heart for not penetrating this wall you’ve built

 Around your heart, energy, and essence

Leaving my love to drift alone searching for roots.

Healing

Healing
Unchained from all the pain n insecurity
Hurt and dependency
Release of all feelings that do not serve my higher destiny
+ restrict passion
+ entrap my soul.
Taking back my compassion from undeserving souls
I poured so much into others that there was not enough left in me to provide peace
My inner being in a state of stagnant toxicity
So I searched for love externally.
Divin’ into my destiny (FREEDOM) & pourin’ my love into my heart
It is here that I am healing
Balancing my aura, refocusing my energy
aligning these nouns and verbs with their higher purpose
Ascension to another dimension free of tensions present in this futile life.
No longer complacent ➡️ reactionary
Instead of letting the universe do unto me
I harness the energy of the Sun & bathe my soul in her heat
Free-falling fearlessly.

Him

I fell in love.
I loved a man who loves himself greater than I could ever aspire to.
I watched him chase his dreams while he left me
Complacent, unhappy
Vying for his love, attention,
appreciation for all of my loving energy
but he doesn’t need me.
He fell in love with himself.

He already loves his flaws,
he doesn’t need my admiration.
He’s already strong,
he doesn’t need me.
But still, I gave and gave
And I cried and cried
Constantly wondering why –
Why doesn’t this man love me?

I tried to be all he needed
But the truth is,
he never needed me particularly,
just the apex of pleasure that lies at the meeting of my thighs.
He needed gratification,
release.
I write all about him,
I wept, without him.
Crying out my unsatisfied reprise for more.
More from him, more of him,
I tried to push us to grow together
but he’s headed to his destination alone.

He push me into his body,
and I pushed him away,
because I could not stay for one more heartbreak.

Now, I lament for him.

The Trouble with Friends II

The trouble with friends is when you cannot make amends, your heart cannot be revived without their life.

When fake folks pretend, but your joints have already learned to lean on their strength; you cannot grow, or ascend without their poison.

Your pain, they do not care to understand, yet you sink further into their abyss.

Daily Prompt: Bounty

via Daily Prompt: Bounty

Pouring, flowing, a cascading overflow of my love fell into you.

The flavour of our milk chocolate kisses, the taste of the sweetest lips,

I dove my tongue into your mouth as your body dove into my darkness.

My fingers intricately chasing the curves of your spine, reveling in the fact that every ounce of your manhood was mine.

Your body transported me to a higher dimension, I ascended to heaven with you, my love. There, I saw our future, our life; I saw us eternally as our souls entwined.

But the essence of our love came with your body, while my fire for you still burned bright within me.

Like a waterfall gushing from the mountainous peaks- we spill over over onto the rocky remains of our love.

You swim in the streams of my river, emptying me of my light. Yet, filling with the bountiful fire of my love for you. My stream of consciousness tunnels on us. I pour my heart into you, trying to help guide you to the safety of the shore.

My love, my guide always leading me back to your light.

Now, I float alone drowning with my overbearing bountiful love for you.