Late Night Thoughts

My insecurity remains the root of my grief

Why didn’t he love me?

Why couldn’t I be what he needed?

Why wasn’t I – but it doesn’t matter

Because these worries run so deep, not even my shallow lust could drown these oceans

So I drown my pillow in tears, mourning the years I thought that we would be – eternally

and I reminisce on what I thought was mine, crying rivers of tears hoping the salt of my earth will run past the roots of your fears

I detest my weak mind for not being able to break this soul tie

I detest my weak heart for not penetrating this wall you’ve built

 Around your heart, energy, and essence

Leaving my love to drift alone searching for roots.

Lustful Instincts

My heart misses you

and my body lusts for your touch.

I know you’re no good for me,

but my instincts are too much.

The way we made love so sensually

and you kissed away my pain so tenderly.

Leaving my knees weak, legs shaking…I couldn’t speak but I felt you

Your love, touch, and safety became my sanctuary.

& it’s so damn hard to rationalize

when the meeting at my thighs lies moist every time I close my eyes and I see your face.

and I float into the comfort of memories of our embrace.

I wonder who can ever replace you, my lover.

via Daily Prompt: Instinct

Instinct

Healing

Healing
Unchained from all the pain n insecurity
Hurt and dependency
Release of all feelings that do not serve my higher destiny
+ restrict passion
+ entrap my soul.
Taking back my compassion from undeserving souls
I poured so much into others that there was not enough left in me to provide peace
My inner being in a state of stagnant toxicity
So I searched for love externally.
Divin’ into my destiny (FREEDOM) & pourin’ my love into my heart
It is here that I am healing
Balancing my aura, refocusing my energy
aligning these nouns and verbs with their higher purpose
Ascension to another dimension free of tensions present in this futile life.
No longer complacent ➡️ reactionary
Instead of letting the universe do unto me
I harness the energy of the Sun & bathe my soul in her heat
Free-falling fearlessly.

Sinking Soul

Foolishly, I dove into open water
I thought we were swimming together
Reaching for the oars in our boat
But, you’re drifting the other way
Salt stings my open wounds
You’re too busy coastin’
To rescue me.
I’m drowning
You float
Away.

These waves get rougher
Your heart gets tougher
My body is weak
I can’t speak.
I let go.
Swimming
Back to the safety
Of the seashore, I float
Past other fish in the sea
Cause you’re worth entire oceans.

Him

I fell in love.
I loved a man who loves himself greater than I could ever aspire to.
I watched him chase his dreams while he left me
Complacent, unhappy
Vying for his love, attention,
appreciation for all of my loving energy
but he doesn’t need me.
He fell in love with himself.

He already loves his flaws,
he doesn’t need my admiration.
He’s already strong,
he doesn’t need me.
But still, I gave and gave
And I cried and cried
Constantly wondering why –
Why doesn’t this man love me?

I tried to be all he needed
But the truth is,
he never needed me particularly,
just the apex of pleasure that lies at the meeting of my thighs.
He needed gratification,
release.
I write all about him,
I wept, without him.
Crying out my unsatisfied reprise for more.
More from him, more of him,
I tried to push us to grow together
but he’s headed to his destination alone.

He push me into his body,
and I pushed him away,
because I could not stay for one more heartbreak.

Now, I lament for him.

The Trouble with Friends II

The trouble with friends is when you cannot make amends, your heart cannot be revived without their life.

When fake folks pretend, but your joints have already learned to lean on their strength; you cannot grow, or ascend without their poison.

Your pain, they do not care to understand, yet you sink further into their abyss.

The Trouble with Friends

Nice words slurred along waves of jagged intentions penetrate my heart and create bonds, attachment, leaving me vulnerable to social crimes & fallacies.

I thought I found the drugs to heal my wounds when when you became a part of the inner workings of my heart, but addiction led to overdose;

killing this friendship between u & me n leaving me in a state so comatose.

The source of my remedy is now poison to my peace,

i still seek…

…in you…

my source of pain-

you       fill       me       with       darkness.

The side effects of my drug.