Sinking Soul

Foolishly, I dove into open water
I thought we were swimming together
Reaching for the oars in our boat
But, you’re drifting the other way
Salt stings my open wounds
You’re too busy coastin’
To rescue me.
I’m drowning
You float
Away.

These waves get rougher
Your heart gets tougher
My body is weak
I can’t speak.
I let go.
Swimming
Back to the safety
Of the seashore, I float
Past other fish in the sea
Cause you’re worth entire oceans.

Men Love Differently

I’ll start off by saying that I have very few guy friends in my life. One of whom is an ex. The other two, I sort of stumbled on during my journey. One thing they have all taught me is; men love differently than women.

For me, to love someone means to own and possess them. I need them to be exclusively mine. I also expected the same possession in the way they treat me. I desperately tried to own the last man I dated. I demanded a title from him (which I never got) in order to fulfill my need to be validated. I thought being his would make being me even more worthwhile. I’ve learned that: one: I have a couple issues with my self-esteem; two: men don’t see love as ownership or entitlement. They see it as a choice. I was in no way in love with the last guy I dated (we’ll call him Mr. X since I’ll probably be referring to him a few more times), but knowing that I was choosing to spend my time and energy on him was enough for him. He expected the same for me.

I was perpetually unsatisfied because I didn’t understand why he was comfortable investing time in me while knowing we might not have a future. That brings me to my second point, men live in the moment. To love and to cherish to a man means to continually do so. Men are satisfied when their needs are being met. For lack of a better example, I think of it as giving a dog a treat. When you give a dog a treat, they do not think about whether you forgot to feed them last week, or accidentally stepped on their paw. All is forgotten and they are happy. When you give a man affection and attention, he is happy because he assumes things are fine at that time. That is why they do not understand when women explode with anger, there were no signs leading up to it.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and propose that as the reason for men cheating in relationships; they want to have their basic needs met. Men are testosterone-driven creatures that enjoy companionship. Once they get used to getting it consistently, if it is taken away, they seek it elsewhere. It seems to be more for their survival than the downfall of their partner. They are simple, primal creatures.